Below lies a list of ever-changing rules regarding socially acceptable behavior…in case you know…you needed one. Rules and sections appear in no particular order. Feel free to comment, disagree or complain. It wouldn’t be the internet without it.

Music, TV, Cinema:

  • White actors cannot play persons of color.
  • Sexual orientation and gender has no affect on which roles an actor can play.
  • In American superhero movies, German and Russian characters are most likely to get shreked en masse.
  • Killing Nazis is always going to be hilarious.
  • Eminem will always be the greatest white rapper. All other white rappers seeking to claim the crown are being ridiculous. (Sorry Action Bronson, Mac Miller, Macklemore)
  • Being strange/unique can sometimes replace being talented for an artist.
  • If you don’t respond to a diss track in an appropriate appropriate amount of time, you must hold your L.
  • If you have ever been convicted of sexual assault or rape, you lose any right to make a claim relating to your sex appeal.

Race Relations:

  • White people shouldn’t say the N-word in almost any situation. (Take a note teachers reading Huck Finn in a mostly white class)
  • Black people can use all variations of the N-word.
  • Any discussion over why white people can’t say the N-word started by a white person might be needed but will rarely be productive.
  • Don’t touch a black girls hair.
  • Don’t ask to touch a black person’s hair.
  • Never ask a person of color where they’re from if you’re trying to figure out their heritage.
  • Don’t randomly assume someone can speak a language because of what they look like.
  • Don’t ask someone about their English whether you deem it good or bad.
  • Don’t try to compare skin colors with a person of color if you’re white and tan to see if you’re darker.
  • If you’re going to tell a racist joke, it better be funny. Racist jokes that aren’t funny are just racist comments.
  • If your racist joke isn’t funny, don’t hide behind the “it’s comedy, people can’t take a joke” excuse.
  • Saying n***a instead of n***er doesn’t make it okay.
  • Using the hard “r” still makes it substantially worse.
  • Just because someone wasn’t speaking English doesn’t mean they can’t speak English.

Shared Living:

  • Make sure everyone is on board before deciding it’s OK to pee in the shower.
  • Guys, raise the toilet seat before peeing.
  • Get out a new roll of toilet paper if the old one is running low.
  • Don’t write on a post-it note what can be said in person.
  • Don’t leave dishes in the sink for days.
  • Wash your hands.
  • Clean the bathroom when it’s your turn.
  • Know what belongs and doesn’t belong in the dishwasher.

Social Settings:

  • Don’t start a fight at a concert.
  • If you must puke, find a trashcan, toilet, sink or something.
  • If you see someone with contraband, do not loudly ask about it.
  • Claiming “no homo” is no longer appropriate nor necessary.
  • With the aux cord comes great responsibility.

Miscellaneous:

  • Don’t stare at a woman’s chest.
  • Don’t trespass in Mia Khalifa’s DMs.
  • You shouldn’t disrespect Beyoncé.
  • Be yourself….unless you’re an asshole.
  • If you’re an asshole, only be yourself around people that love you.
  • It’s OK to reference an action but not always to repeat it.
  • Talk shit, get hit.
  • If you or your family isn’t from the West Indies, don’t say “riddim” instead of “rhythm”.
  • Smoking weed and having dreadlocks doesn’t make you a Rasta.
  • Calling it “ganja” doesn’t make you a Rasta.
  • Seriously… Just chill.
  • Things to avoid at all costs: pissing off the Beyhive and the Lil B curse.